


Innuendo is Hard

by starsandcoffee



Series: Klance Oneshots [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Fluff, Gay Keith (Voltron), Keith is so oblivious, Lance is pining, M/M, Pidge is an evil child as always, This is just dick jokes I'm so sorry guys, klance fluff, this was fun to write, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 10:38:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11079852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsandcoffee/pseuds/starsandcoffee
Summary: Keith basically talks in innuendoes but never knows it. It makes lifehardfor Lance.





	Innuendo is Hard

**Author's Note:**

> Part of my ongoing Klance oneshot series!
> 
> Enjoy <3

“Diooooos,” groans Lance, whacking his head against the steel kitchen table so hard that it makes a ringing noise. “What now?” asks Pidge, looking up from her plate of space goop. “It’s Keith! He basically talks in innuendoes but never gets it when I try to flirt with him!” “Really?” says Pidge. “He can’t be that bad.” “He is that bad!” Lance cries. “It’s awful!.” “Ok,” grins Pidge, looking evil. “Call him here right now and show me.”

“He’s gonna be here soon for breakfast, but I think we should lay some bets first,” chimes in Hunk, looking perkier than he usually does without caffeine. “I’ll put in 20 bucks worth of GAC that even Keith realizes how sexual he sounds at least once.” “C’mon,” replies Pidge, arching an eyebrow and looking skeptical. “Keith is so useless at flirting and shit like that.” She slams a small fist down on the table. “50 bucks of GAC that Keith flusters Lance out before he understands why” Just then, Coran comes over to the table, carrying a frightening pan of what appears to be space-goop breakfast casserole. “Keith is a very intelligent paladin,” he exclaims, unnecessarily loudly. “I will bet one of my Olkari cubes that he understands these…odd Earth sex jokes!” “…Okay,” says Lance. 

Just then, Shiro and Allura enter the kitchen, looking suspiciously rumpled. Pidge quickly fills them in on the upcoming exhibition, and then ends up spending several minutes trying to explain to Allura exactly how Earth innuendo works. She’s just finishing up an explanation of the thousands of jokes you can make off the word “hole” when Keith enters the room.

His dark hair drips on his shirt and is slicked back, and he’s dressed in his usual black clothes. Keith looks groggy, but he manages to get himself a plate and slap some space goo on it before flopping into a chair. “What’re you all staring at?” he asks, frowning. 

Lance bats his eyes— his eyelash fluttering skills rival those of 1920s movie heroines — and smirks at Keith. He’s practically hanging over the edge of his chair, just waiting for Keith to say something he can use. “How’s your food, Keith?” he asks, grinning. “It’s weirdly wet,” says Keith, frowning down at it. “Oh, is it hard too?” grins Lance. Keith just looks at him, blank-faced. “It’s soft, Lance, it’s goop,” he says, confused. Pidge is already hiding a grin behind her hand. “Plus,” he adds, “it’s so thick today.” — Shiro hides a snort with a cough. “Coran, did you change the recipe?” asks Keith, totally oblivious. 

“Hey, you were good in that battle yesterday,” says Hunk, trying to keep the conversation rolling. “Thanks!” says Keith, smiling. “I was really worried when that last pair of soldiers approached me, because my shield was broken.” “Then what happened?” asks Allura. “Well, I managed to get it up at the last minute!” he exclaims, proud. “It was really hard to do, but I did it.” “Good job, Keith,” says Pidge, mirth glinting in her golden eyes. 

“And how has rehabbing your knee after that terrible injury been coming?” asks Lance, pointedly. “Yes,” adds Allura, “is the stretch I showed you working?” “Yeah,” says Keith, mildly confused by the amount of questions being directed at him. “Typically I end up having to do it every morning and night because it gets so stiff, but then I feel a lot more relaxed!” Hunk coughs into his drink.

“Hmm,” says Lance, obviously thinking of more ways to keep Keith talking. “Anything else happen to you yesterday?” “Yes! I didn’t have a chance to tell you guys, but while I was escaping the Galra ship I found literally the biggest hole!” “Nooo,” says Lance, feigning surprise. “What did you do?” “Well,” says Keith, “I really wanted to go into it and figure out what was inside, but I needed to get things done quickly.” 

Allura, having had an explanation of hole jokes, giggles quietly. “How did you escape that corridor, Keith?” she asks. “Well, I just had to make sure I took all of the Galra.” “You sure were accurate with your bayard yesterday,” says Pidge. “How did you do it?” “Ah,” laughs Keith, “It’s really all in the wrist. You just have to make sure you hold it right and you’re good to go!” Lance coughs, blushing slightly. 

“That’s great, Keith,” he says. “What’re your plans for today?” “I’m going to go and train now.” “Ok,” says Allura, “I think we will all go and get some physical exercise this morning!” The paladins follow after Keith happily, heading down to the training room. 

Keith picks a practice sword off the wall. “Lance, you wanna spar with the training bot?” he asks. “Sure,” says Lance. He snags another, larger sword off the wall. “That thing is huge!” Keith exclaims. “Sure you can handle it?” Pidge snorts and moves off to change into training clothes. 

The gladiator appears out of the floor and faces them. “Let’s go!” yells Keith, and they approach it. It starts to fight, and the pair rushes towards it, intending to attack it from both sides. The rest of the paladins watch eagerly. 

Lance parries its first strike and Keith whacks it on the side. “Watch out for its thrusts!” exclaims Keith, causing Lance to lose concentration and get whacked lightly on the arm. They fight for a couple minutes, working surprisingly well together, considering Lance’s evident distraction. It’s set to a pretty high level, though, and starts to advance on both Lance and Keith. “C’mon, Lance!” shouts Keith. “Harder!” 

It’s probably Keith’s worst accidental innuendo, but Lance just loses it. Completely ignoring the advances of the gladiator, he falls to the floor, red staining his tanned cheeks. Keith shouts, and the robot knocks him over, then comes to a rest with its sword held just over Lance’s head. Lance is too busy lying spread-eagled like a dead man, to pay attention to it, and the other paladins are killing themselves with laughter. People are passing GAC to Pidge, and Keith is sitting in the middle of it all, utterly confused. 

“Why is everybody laughing so hard?” he whines, annoyed. “Because you fucking talk like that!” cries Lance. “Like what?” “Like every second thing you say is a fucking innuendo!” says Pidge, wiping tears from her eyes. “Oh,” says Keith, “I never notice. Is it….” — he pauses, deliberately — “making things _hard_ for Lance?” 

Just after he says this, the paladins sit giggling as Lance jumps to his feet and tears out of the room, absolutely crimson. 

**Author's Note:**

> looll I'm so sorry but I really just wanted to write Klance dick jokes so here y'all are!!  
> Actual legitimate updates for my 3 fics with a proper plot coming at some point :/


End file.
